It’s fishy business for Brexit this week

Fish and Brexit

Fish are going to feature somewhat centrally this week to my report. Stick with me, there is a reason.

If you saw the last TV debate between “Boris The Liar” and “Jeremy The Entrepreneur” you can’t have missed the kipper-waving moment. It was typical Bonking Boris theatre. However, what he told us – and for which he got cheers and applause – was just a blatant lie. He said that the EU was forcing British businesses that sent kippers in the post (daft idea anyway) to wrap them in a cooling gel. As is so often the case, Boris didn’t bother to check the facts. The requirement for British fish-shipping businesses to wrap their products in cooling gel comes from the UK Food Standards Agency and has nothing to do with the EU.

We shouldn’t be surprised that Boris is so untrue in what he says. After all, he told us (wrongly) that the EU was insisting on straight bananas and that European law prevented supermarkets from selling them in bunches of more than three. Both claims were proven as entirely false, over and over again. (Also proving he hasn’t visited a supermarket, because you can buy bunches of bananas of more than three.) Yet, his Tory Party supporters believe him and repeat his myths and lies.

Remember, unless something happens that the polls are not predicting, this proven liar is going to be your Prime Minister in two days.

But back to fish – and to the University of Warwick. There, the Department of Physics has just published the results of research looking at the behaviour of groups, such as shoals of fish. They have modelled their work on flocks of birds and herds of animals. But like them, shoals of fish have the fantastic propensity to move together, for the whole group to turn on a pin instantly, and to somehow know what each other is going to do. You only have to look at a flock of starlings as they swarm together in the evenings to see what I mean.

What the scientists at Warwick discovered was that when things group together en-masse that paradoxically it provides greater freedom for the individuals within the flock of birds, or, for Boris, a shoal of fish. When items are gathered together, the behaviour of everything within the group has to be optimised. Otherwise, for instance, the shoal of fish could not move in a synchronised way.

The computer algorithm that was produced in this study was able to show that when things work together, the behaviour of the members of that group is improved and optimised, making their individual capabilities better. In other words, my Brexiteer friends, science has just proven that when you are in a group, you are stronger and better and have more freedom than when you go-it-alone.

This week the raggle-taggle group called Parliament took steps to prevent Boris from forcing “no-deal” upon the nation. He now faces the prospect of mass resignations from the Cabinet and six Conservative MPs allegedly willing to cross the floor of the House to join the Lib Dems.

The only defence that his supporters now seem to have is taking to the airwaves to frighten people by saying that unless Boris gets his way there will be an election and “Jeremy Corbyn will win”. But that tactic is a real dead-end hopeless notion. The Labour Party knows it cannot win with Jeremy Corbyn as the leader. Today a poll of Labour Party members shows a dramatic drop in support for their allegedly anti-semitic “leader”. Should a general election be called, Jeremy will be ditched (or hidden away during the campaign) to give Labour a real chance of winning. But then the Boris backers have nothing to say. Their tactic is as bonkers as Boris.

So, I suggest they all go to the cinema to cool off. Yesterday, figures were released showing that cinema attendance was at its highest for 50 years. According to the movie companies’ research, it turns out that people are going to sit in the dark for a couple of hours to escape from the non-stop Brexit paralysis. We just have to hope that “Finding Nemo” will be back on the screens again, as it could teach Boris and his team a lesson or two.