Brexit double-talk means all is not what it seems

Brexit not going well sign

This week I expect you heard me laughing. Twice, as I drove up the A34 in the past seven days, I laughed out loud at what I heard on the car radio.

The first belly laugh came when Donald Trump announced that the USA would be able to sort out a trade deal with the UK and have it up and running ready for the first day after Brexit had happened. It took the USA six years to organise a deal with its next-door neighbour Canada and the negotiations it started with Thailand in 2006 have yet to be concluded. Plus, there are 16 other trade agreements that the USA has been trying to get going since the 1990s. If Donald Trump thinks he can do one inside the next 73 days, he’s on another planet. (Tell me something I didn’t know…!)

The second time I laughed out loud was when Jeremy Corbyn (or the “Monotone Mumbler” as I call him) said that he should be a “caretaker Prime Minister”. I’m not entirely sure he’d be appropriate to be a caretaker of the local school, let alone the entire nation. The “leader” of the Opposition said that he could head a “Unity Government”. So, tell me Jezza, how are you going to do that when you haven’t been able to unite the people in your own party?

Plus, Mr Corbyn reckons that the British Constitution says that the Leader of the Opposition takes over when there is no-confidence in the sitting Prime Minister. When the Monotone Mumbler was pressed on that, he just repeated the same line, like a stuck record. Obviously over-rehearsed and clearly not understanding the actual position in the Constitution, which was quickly pointed out by people who know. A new Unity Government Prime Minister is the individual who can gain the most cross-party support. And it might come as a shock to Mr C, but that ain’t gonna be him…!

Meanwhile, Government Ministers were out in force doing the “no-deal” dance all week. Plus, they kept slipping into their interviews a phrase which shows they were also over-rehearsed with nonsense. Minister after minister was heard to say “October the 31st or sooner“. In other words, they were trying to increase the pressure by suggesting the UK will leave the EU more quickly than anyone might expect.

It is, of course, garbage showing the Government itself does not understand the situation. We do not decide on the leaving date. That is decided by the EU and it is enshrined in the agreement to extend Article 50 from its previous date of 29th March. Think of it like this. You decide you no longer want to be part of a sports club and you leave. But your membership lasts a year – so even though you think you have left, you haven’t. It’s the same with the EU – they decide when we leave, not us. The Government signed a deal saying it would be 11 pm on October 31st. So no matter what Bonker Boris thinks, that’s the date.

All of this nonsense from Government and Opposition shows they are just making it up as they go along and haven’t got a clue. That was revealed this weekend when the Sunday Times published details of the “Yellowhammer Dossier” prepared for the Cabinet. It showed that we will face food shortages, missing medicines and public unrest if we leave with “no-deal”.

Remember three and a half years ago, “Remain” campaigners said much the same thing and the “Leave” camp dismissed it as “Project Fear”. Back in 2016, one of those dishing out the dirt against these claims of mayhem was Michael Gove.

Now, he says it is all sensible planning. (Bit of a change of tune there, Govey Govey.) Plus he says we don’t need to worry about it as it is an “old” report. Er, yes, less than one-month-old, according to the Times.

The code-naming of the report “Yellowhammer” has been said it is because Whitehall favours naming projects using the names of birds. However, Yellowhammer was the nickname given to Confederate Troops in the US Civil War. They wanted the Southern States to be separate and not part of the Union. Now, I wonder where the Cabinet got their idea for calling this report “Yellowhammer”?

Remember, though, those separatist troops in the USA eventually lost and the Southern States remained part of the Union. There is a message in the naming of this “Yellowhammer Dossier”.