Halloween horror for Boris’s Brexit

Halloween horror for Boris's Brexit

It’s going to be a nightmare week of horrors for Boris and his botched Brexit plans. There will be no treats for him, or us this week. And he’ll try playing several tricks, which are doomed to fail. Brexit clearly will not happen on 31st October, in spite of Bonking Boris saying it will definitely happen and if it doesn’t he’ll be dead in a ditch. What is guaranteed is that on 1st November, when Brexit hasn’t occurred, the radio and TV stations will be playing clip after clip after clip of Boris saying that Brexit would definitely happen on 31st October. You only have to remember Theresa May’s failed attempt at Brexit in March. She repeatedly said that it would definitely happen back then. It didn’t, of course, and …

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Schoolboy error by Boris on Brexit

Eton college

Yesterday you could almost hear the “ner, ner, ne ner ner” taunting from Bonkers Boris after he “didn’t” send the required letter to the EU requesting an extension of the Article 50 deadline. “Super Saturday” turned out to be anything but. Instead, it was “Shambles Saturday” because the latest Withdrawl Bill was stopped in its tracks by an amendment put forward by “Leaky Letwin”. (He once claimed over £2,000 as “Parliamentary Expenses” to repair a leaking pipe under his home tennis court.) The acceptance of the amendment meant that the “Withdrawal Agreement Bill” could not proceed and so Boris would have to obey the existing law and send a letter to the EU requesting an extension. (By the way, did you know that in parliamentary circles the “Withdrawal Agreement Bill” …

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Brexit is not a walk in the park

Brexit - is it a walk in the park?

Last week, the mysterious master of the mayhem emanating from Downing Street, Dominic Cummings, was recorded as saying “Brexit is a walk in the park”. The next day he was challenged about that and was recorded as saying “Who said it was like a walk in the park?” The journalist said “You, Mr Cummings” to which Dangerous Dominic merely replied “No”. Either the chief adviser to Boris has an abysmal memory (which is not suitable for someone advising at such a high level), or he lied. Fibbing is not new to Number Ten or Boris. We should not be surprised. However, in spite of the entire nation knowing that Bonking Boris has a strange relationship with the truth, he still enjoys widespread support. Millions of people appear to think he …

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Another chaotic week in Brexit Land

Boris Johnson is happy to speak outdoors against a noisy backdrop

Bonkers Boris batted a blinder this week. The media went crazy, saying how he had been deliberately snubbed and humiliated by the Prime Minister of Luxembourg. Cabinet ministers lined-up to say how badly the UK had been treated. It all played into the hands of Boris because it allowed a cynical “us” versus “them” narrative. It enabled Boris the Bonker’s mates to tell us “this is why we need to get out of the EU”. However, we need to take it all with a megadose of salt. Remember, apart from a couple of small examples, the bulk of the British media is “pro Brexit”. So you don’t always get the exact story. Here’s what happened. Several days before the visit to Luxembourg various teams at Number Ten would have been …

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Brexit chaos ditched in favour of General Election

Boris Johnson in a ditch

Well, where do I begin…? First, it’s probably worth saying that I could well have been wrong all these weeks for which I have been writing my thoughts on Brexit. Instead of deriding our politicians, I need to thank them. They have been doing a tremendous job. They are brilliant at it and I should thank them very much indeed for what they have done. That’s a surprise, isn’t it? But I haven’t yet said what I am thanking them for…! I am tremendously grateful for their stupidity, incompetence and thoughtlessness because they have given me so much to write about. Without the likes of Bonkers Boris, Nutty Nigel or that Joyless Jerk Jacob I’d be stuck. So, I, first of all, want to thank them and all their colleagues …

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Is Boris crazy, a conman, or a conjuror? More Brexit nonsense…

Brexit Boris the conjuror

It’s been another week where Boris “Trust me I’m a politician” Johnson has never been out of the headlines. He’s clearly trying to create an image as “Action Man”. However, looking at everything he has done in recent weeks he is either more bonkers than I thought, or he is deliberately conning us, or he is a magician distracting us from what is really going on.If you can set aside his buffoonery – such as putting his foot on a table in France because the French President said “it looks like a footstool” – focus on what he has been doing. He has been touring the United Kingdom clearly having found the “magic money tree” that he has always told us never existed. Indeed, I’ve become increasingly convinced he’s a …

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We’re still in the EU 10 days after Brexit should have happened

We tried to leave the EU but we're still there: no Brexit

Well, here we are, 10 days after we were supposed to have left the EU and I am writing another “Brexit Update”. Don’t blame me. It’s Mrs May’s fault, so any letters of complaint should be sent to her. Talking of which, I heard on the radio yesterday that the letter she sent to Mr Corbyn inviting him to the “national unity” talks set out the parameters for conversation. She listed two requirements (according to the person who had seen the letter). Firstly, the withdrawal agreement could not be amended and secondly, the political intentions document could not have a single word changed. So, there you have it. Mrs May’s position for the “national unity” talks is still “my way or the highway”. Interestingly, in Westminster this week, we witnessed …

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Delay to Brexit…or will it be never?

later or now sign

It’s Monday morning so it is time for my weekly “Brexit Update” about the goings-on in Westminster. So, Brexit is delayed. It will either be 12th April, 22nd May or never. Mrs May promised it would definitely happen on 29th March – a promise she made 108 times (according to the people who counted…!) But Mrs May’s future is in doubt (it always has been, of course). Apparently, there are people in the Cabinet plotting against her. It seems that MPs who have said her deal is the worst deal ever and have voted against it in record numbers are willing to accept the deal if someone else presents it to them. No, I don’t understand that either. This week we will have “indicative votes” – so presumably, other votes …

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The race is on: no-deal or no Brexit

The race is on for Brexit no-deal

It’s Cheltenham week and the runners and riders are ready. The same is true in Westminster because there is a race on to get Brexit sorted. Tomorrow is a “crunch day” (about the 100th such day in the past couple of years). Politicians will have to make a decision as to where we go next. The bookies have their favourites for Cheltenham and this morning they have announced their expectations for Westminster too. It turns out that Mrs May’s deal only has an 18% chance of success according to the betting. So, given that almost everyone expects her to fail to get her deal through, the politicians have a few options still available. One of those is to accept the legal default position which is “no deal”. However, later in …

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MPs have no idea what they want over Brexit

MPs cannot make up their mind on Brexit

I thought I should give you an update from the Houses of Parliament. As you may recall, I summarised the voting a couple of weeks ago and thought it would be a good idea to say what happened yesterday in Parliament. There were several votes which resulted in the following decisions being made by our illustrious MPs. 1. They don’t want “no deal”2. They don’t want Mrs Mays deal3. They don’t want to extend Article 50 (Notice, they did not vote on what they do want.) That means they are left with only two options, neither of which do the MPs appear to have any intention of dealing with. (Though I suspect they might have a vote to confirm they don’t want these options either.) A. Get someone else other …

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