Shock news: Bonking Boris lives next to a Guardian Reader

Boris Johnson has argument at home

Well, it has been quite an exciting week, hasn’t it? It ended up with the police being called to Bonking Boris as his neighbour rang 999 after hearing a major row. What was surprising for Boris about this, though, is that the neighbour also alerted the press. The fact that Boris lives next door to a Guardian reader must have come as a real shock to him. As predicted, Boris is in the final two to become our next Prime Minister. He’s up against Jeremy Hunt, who is so devoid of any facial expressions he always looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy. I just wonder who he’s being controlled by. So the nation faces a choice. Either we will get a man in charge who has a disorderly private life and …

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