Boris tries to mop up Brexiteers

Mopping up the votes in Brexit election

Viewers of BBC 1 Breakfast News were given a treat this week. They witnessed the haphazard and hilarious attempts by Boris Johnson to help mop up a flooded floor. He clearly had no idea what he was doing. But that’s probably not news to you; he appears to have little idea about much. The mopping mayhem happened in his feeble attempts to win over the voters affected by flooding in the north of England – that well-known Tory stronghold…! What he was hoping, I imagine, was that he could mop up the Brexiteer votes. Nigel Farage decided this week to abandon his two-day-old promise of standing in every seat. Instead, he said he would not allow the Brexit Party to stand against the Tories. This is as bonkers as Boris. …

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Prepare yourself for loads of Brexit fibs in the election campaign

Truth and lies about Brexit

In Northern Ireland last week, Boris reached new heights of brazen bullsh*t. He told what was a small group of Tory supporters that there was no need for any customs documents from Northern Ireland because of his fantastic Brexit deal. He even went as far as to say that if anyone told businesses any different, they should call the Prime Minister who would tell them to throw away the customs documents they had been asked to complete. There are several things wrong with Boris’s rant. First, by saying that people could call the new Prime Minister, he is assuming that in a few weeks that he will be PM. That’s far from certain. Secondly, what Boris said was the complete opposite to what his Brexit Secretary told Parliament in response …

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Brexit coincidences line up to prevent “no-deal” from happening

Brexit coincidence

Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence that the day the Chancellor of the Exchequer visits the HQ of the National Grid that the lights went out across Britain. We should be told if he said: “What does this button do?” just before much of the nation was plunged into darkness on Friday evening due to two power stations simultaneously being taken offline. The cynics amongst us might point to the fact that this unique nationwide event became the “splash” headline across TV and radio, knocking the dreadful economic news off from the top spot. So, in case you did miss it, this week we discovered that the British economy shrank in the past three months – the first time it has done that in almost a decade. The indicators are …

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Will we “love” our new Brexit leader?

How many people are in love with Brexit?

It’s Monday again, so it’s Brexit Update time. Firstly, thanks to everyone who has met me in the past week to say how much they like this little weekly report. I appreciate it. Indeed, at a party on Saturday evening, several people spoke to me about my Monday morning update. Inevitably the conversation swung round to the contest that is now facing the country. More than a dozen candidates are vying for the winning position. Most of them we have never heard of before. Yet, they are all going to be on our TV screens for the next six weeks trying to gain attention and secure that top slot. I am, of course, talking about the nation’s most crucial leadership election for the past 12 months. Just who will win …

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Groundhog Day for Brexit

It's Groundhog day for Brexit

Yes, I know it’s a Bank Holiday and you should be having a nice relaxing day in the sunshine forgetting all about Brexit. But it has been a rather momentous week, so it is time for an update. The first thing to say is that Mrs May completely fooled me. This time last week I was saying she was going to be vague about her timetable for resignation. Then she only goes and does something that I was unable to predict. She did, as I said, bring back her deal. But I had no idea that she would tinker with it to such an extent that it would alienate the opposition and most of her loyal supporters at the same time. It takes a special skill to be able to …

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Time to send UKIP into outer space

Could we get rid of UKIP?

It may be a Bank Holiday, but Brexit still lumbers on. Our MPs, bless them, have been having a rest after all their hard work huffing and puffing at each other. Meanwhile, Nigel Farage has launched his new Brexit Party and a poll this week showed that they and UKIP would get significant numbers of votes in the European Elections due on 23rd May. I am dumbfounded as to how UKIP manages to get supporters when one of their candidates said that he “would not even rape” the Labour MP Jess Phillips. He has refused to apologise and the UKIP leader has also said it was an acceptable thing to say because it was “satire”. If that’s satire and acceptable, then I’m an alien and I, for one, would be …

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Politicians fail to agree (again) on Brexit…!

May the Fourth be with you for Brexit

Well, it is Monday morning, so time for my weekly Brexit Update. However, I must add a “health warning” right at the start. Today is 1st April and so you might think that what I am about to tell you is some kind of joke. Believe me. It is NOT. But I wish it were….! As predicted last week, politicians ended up not agreeing to anything, again. Actually, that’s not quite true. They do agree that they don’t agree. Meanwhile, Mrs May lost another meaningful vote. Today, though, it has become clear that she will have a further attempt to get her deal accepted in Parliament tomorrow. I have now realised that she is descended from Obi-Wan Kenobi because if she wins tomorrow she will forever be known as “May …

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